i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
