By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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