Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
