matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
