weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
