I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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