I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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