I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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