I cannot find my penis.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
