every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
