you turned your livingroom into a bong?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
