I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
