my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
