He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
