whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
NoShamevember. You game?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
