If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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