the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
