it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
