she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
