My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I currently don't understand fingers.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
