Already got asked if we're dating
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize