I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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