he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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