well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize