Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You can't just leave with hair like that
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
