That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
