If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
