...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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