He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
