OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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