After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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