you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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