It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
