Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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