You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
