so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
