I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
