I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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