SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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