I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
