whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
