If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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