well I can't set my house on fire every night
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
