I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
