if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Randomize
