New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
