never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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