If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Come on in and take your pants off
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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