omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
