she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
