Can i not drive my cunt home
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
