it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
