i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
