thus making me awesome and them whores
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
