Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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