i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize