it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
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She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
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He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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