We need to rekindle our bromance
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I touched a dick in church today
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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