As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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