dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
