i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
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He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
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EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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