i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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