Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
