So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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