I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
