i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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