Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
