dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
