i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
