Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
