We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
