i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
