her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
