Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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