i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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